afternoon in j-town

Giant Robot exhibition at the Japanese American National Museum. We went initially to see the internment exhibition, which was heavy, so seeing cheerful art afterward was a blessing.

Exploring the gift shop. Make your own pinhole camera!

My name minus "-fuda."

I would have liked to bring home this little froggy fortune teller!

Finishing the day with a light sushi dinner.

I haven't seen Dan in two months; this afternoon we went to the Japanese American National Museum in Little Tokyo which he had to go to for his political science class. Afterward we got some sushi and caught up and made plans for sometime soon in the future.

:)

paper shredder

shredding unwanted files at work. it's fun, and therapeutic too!

sorry about them crappy photobooth pics

let's figure this out.

collage from last year (old).

Today:
Me: "Dude, she's asking me if I care about my project."
G: "Well that's better than her telling you that you don't."

ok, so what is up with me. let's figure this out.

uninspired? probably.
directionless? no.
lazy? yeah.

I know what kinds of art I like, I know what photography appeals to me, I know what kind of movies I tend to watch, what kind of food, I'm getting a grasp on my personal style/fashion sense, but architecture? what do I want to do with architecture? what do I want to accomplish...

If the world were to end I would want to sit on the edge of a cliff and watch the lights and smoke and the burning theater of destruction alongside someone I love.

a random saturday

New favorite shoes! I might post here sometime (it's a blog I share with my sister).

Today!

Worked on my ten page paper (I have six pages right now, so close yet so far). Nibbled on an excess of mini milk chocolate peanut butter cups from Trader Joe's. Found some good articles on JSTOR for the paper but then got sidetracked and didn't write as much as I should have. Finished reading Jeff Smith's BONE after guiltily giving in and downloading the final .cbr volume, issues 50-55. So. Good. Watched my roommate pass out out of nowhere on the couch after she had a full morning of drinking and NOT going to the football game (which we lost). Went home randomly when my mom asked me to help a friend of hers with CAD. Got to eat dinner at home! Spent 2 and 1/2 hours cleaning up the file and re-drawing things. Got bribed to do more later this week with a gift card to cheesecake factory.

To-do list:
- Work on paper until I have at least 7-8 pages DONE.
- Finish formatting firm interview questions.
- Revise plans for final 340 presentation, ugh.
- Revise plans/sections of design for studio & finalize program.

That's it at least until Monday and Tuesday. I am so tired.

flummoxed

Crazy how swiftly something can come and kick you in the ass when you least suspect/expect it. Just part of the normal ebb and flow of life. no harm, no foul.

all is full of love

BB loves Yuri.

Tommy showed me a youtube video of a dog greeting its owner returning from Iraq. It made my heart melt. Watch it here.

I love dogs.

fall colors

The flora in my mom's yard have exploded for fall. Plump berries on bushes, almost ripe for the nibbling by fauna, chrysanthemums bursting in their vibrant colors (my school colors did I mention?) and California native coneflower doing its thing. I love fall. I love AUTUMN. hehe.

saturday hike

Ernest E. Debs National Park

Lots of dry grasses and trees of course; Tommy "discovers" a lake (+10,000 nature points), hundreds of tadpoles in said lake (bullfrog or leopard frog?), flowers & berries and... turtles!

calmer & brighter

her work makes me smile

I am at home, wearing fuzzy fuzzy socks that I use as slippers. My house is cold, but even so I feel warm. Working on a paper, and outlining what I need to accomplish before the day is over tomorrow (Sunday). Thursday night Tommy came over to cuddle with me when he realized I wasn't feeling my best. Today we spent the morning exploring nature and adventuring through parts of the city downtown; he makes me happy. Tomorrow I spend a day with my sister before we shuttle ourselves back to school. Being at home, having homemade pasta made by my sister & salad thrown deliciously together by my mom, with two Westies waiting close by for unexpectedly dropped scraps or sneaky handouts, really brings the comfort circle to a close. Simple acknowledgments, words of encouragement, sound advice, love & support are simply the best.

ennui/requiem

I can relate, except for me the T.V. isn't even on.

I don't care about much lately, I'm kind of numb and listless and passively floating through life and it disturbs me.

I have little to no motivation for school - I've received failing notices for two classes for poor attendance but fortunately there are easy countermeasures/ways to fix that shit. But even before I knew about those I didn't bat an eyelash at the notifications, whereas if I had gotten such notices a year or two previous I'd be freaking out. Actually who am I kidding, poor attendance wouldn't even have been an issue two years previous.

Work bores me. I go in, run a few errands, make copies, file papers, rearrange things. It's gotten to the point that I avoid actively engaging in conversation with (almost) anyone because I can't stand the thought of carrying on and pretending like I care while knowing that person doesn't really give a shit about me either/what I'm studying or what I want to do in life. I've decided to be a drone because it's simpler and better for my sanity.

I don't know what the hell is going on in studio. It interests me, kind of. I have no juice though, everything I produce is limp and lifeless and shallow and it threatens to collapse under my fragile past three years of core studio. Fuck you core studio, what did you teach me? Almost absolutely nothing. What the fuck am I doing here.

Also I am a shitty, shitty friend. Friends asked if I want to go to Vegas this weekend, I say maybe, then no. People invite me to meet them for drinks, I say no, don't have the money. One friend calls me, I think he needs someone to talk to. I answer but say I don't have time to talk, maybe later? Another asks me what I'm up to this weekend, last week. I still haven't responded. I just sent off a letter to a friend after four months of setbacks. The envelope was fat with paper, chock-full of drivel, post-adolescent musings and reflection. I hang out with the boyfriend, and he suggests fun things to do/new things to try and I feel bad when I reject them because I'm busy, or tired, or just not feeling it. I'm getting old, I feel.

The past two days I've drifted into a hazy sleep only to wake up to the horrifying sounds of Beatles on rockband. Soul-sucking. I wish I had gone to see a movie tonight but I opted not to, thinking I'd be doing some work for school instead, but I ended up doing nothing. I am a leech and a slug, parasitic on others and passive and inactive on my own end. I don't care about music, I don't care about movies, books I pick up only to put down after reading two or three pages. The only thing that really catches my eye of late is art, pure and simple, the only thing that made me feel productive was an ink drawing I made of a dog. My dreams are more vivid than real life so the only thing I treasure lately, is sleep.

Is it appropriate that I hear music drifting off the Row from Requiem For A Dream? Sounds from one of the most terrifying, harrowing films I've ever watched. It's telling me to wake up and do something instead of sitting here wasting away and whining about it.

Well, it could be worse. I'm not dying, just bored and experiencing a giant personality shift. and can't sleep.

Interview with the Vampire (1994)

I really can't take vampires seriously. I was afraid of a lot of things as a kid but vampires never really hit the mark. Good movie, not great. Fun to watch, but really predictable. Tom Cruise seems like himself as Lestat haha, Brad Pitt is good and my goodness he's GORGEOUS. Robert Pattinson has nothing on that! It's fun with all the period costumes and gratuitous blood but (yawn), having seen it, won't look back.

happy november!

"Y" for Yuri! Yay!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY I say to sister through the ghosties.

Hole in the Wall Burger. Angus beef with red leaf lettuce, zucchini pickles, red onions, mushrooms, provolone cheese, avocado, tomato with chipotle mayo on a pretzel bun. MMM.

Tommy as Max diligently making his crown for the night's festivities.

Insalata caprese for breakfast, after pumpkin spice pancakes.

it's not halloween without Tim Burton.

These films by Tim Burton all remind me of Halloween! The Nightmare Before Christmas, Vincent, Frankenweenie, and Sleepy Hollow. Happy Halloween!

a blustery day

When my sister and I were 4 and 6 years old, we'd watch a bunch of Winnie the Pooh videos on afternoons or evenings when we didn't have homework or grown-up things to think about. I love Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day because of most of the episodes we'd watch this one had the best narrative - a nice smooth transition from blustery day, to blustery/rainy/flooding night full of heffalumps and woozels and the residents of the Hundred Acre Wood trying to get out of the flood to safety. Even now at 21 when I experience a particularly windy day I'll think to myself "Today is a blustery day!" which then reminds me of those little stuffed animals playing and getting themselves into a tizzy, of Piglet's scarf unraveling and he inadvertently becoming a kite, and how the wind is scary but exhilarating at the same time.

happy 19th!

Dear Sistersaur,

Happy 19th birthday! I know this is sort of a nothing age, but you are reaching the years of "real" adulthood much faster than you think, so enjoy youth while you are there!

Since I know you are a lass of refined and particular tastes, (and because there is no way in hell I can afford anything crafted by Ann Demeulemeester/Rick Owens) I can only humbly offer to treat you out to a day of thrifting/flea market adventuring where you could hopefully find a leather jacket/boots/metal trinkets that your heart would so desire. (Let's do that soon.)

Or, I'll just provide you with your own personal herd of wild buffalo. An endless supply of meat + leather, fur & cuddles!

And of course, because after all this gallivanting you will thirst like a heathen, I will procure a bottle of Jack to help quench your thirst.

Happy Birthday Yuri, I wish you an amazing one. ♥

Paranormal Activity (2009)

Legitimately scary. Luckily I was still able to sleep that night, but while I'm awake I can't stop thinking about certain scenes and the way the story unfolded. Fun coincidence: the book that's featured in the film, "Devils, Demons & Witchcraft" (Dover Publications) sits on a bookshelf at my house (courtesy of my sister). I'm really impressed with how low-budget but decent this film is. Good for you, Paranormal Activity, for kicking Saw V's ass at the box office! This gives me hope for contemporary horror films.

Zombieland (2009)

ZOMBIELAND! great fun, not too complicated, good twists.

- Jesse Eisenberg seems like a younger version of Andy Samberg. Cute & funny.
- I was bothered by how impeccable Emma Stone's makeup remained throughout the movie. It's Zombieland! It's ridiculous that you're all made up like that. whatever!
- Woody Harrelson is amazing. I'm glad he's made a steady return to form.
- I miss good, simple, well-made comedies. with zombies. thanks Zombieland creators!

this is something that happens.

"I'll tell you everything, and you tell me everything, and maybe we can get through all the piss and shit and lies that kill other people."

"The law is the law, and heck if I'm gonna break it. But if you can forgive someone... Well, that's the tough part. What can we forgive?"

I watch Magnolia when I feel like shit and need to remind myself things happen for a reason, and that they will usually end up okay, even when "okay" feels really far away. The biggest themes the film deals with are death, regret, loneliness, fathers who have failed their children, the failed relationships as a result, exploitation, and the limits people have for forgiveness. This film made me learn to focus on the big picture - literally on the movie, when I first watched it, and in real life (which I am still working on - that is, to focus on the big picture while keeping an eye on the details). In this scene - in the last two screen shots, this character named Claudia is listening intently to someone speaking to her, as Aimee Mann's "Save Me" begins to play. The camera starts at the door, then pans across the room and slowly zooms up to her face. The entire movie we've only seen her angry, depressed, anxious and bleak. Then the first couple beats of the song come in as she looks up, and smiles.

Life begins to look up.

Ran (1985)

Akira Kurosawa's retelling of Shakespeare's King Lear in one of his last great period dramas. Nominated for four Academy Awards and won for best Costume Design. Stunning, tragic, poetic, and epic to behold. Nihilistic and bleak, conditions I couldn't wish on anyone's family, but tragedies like this exist; in this case shown remarkably.

motivation

stomp stomp stomp

Last weekend in Spokane, in addition to seeing the sights I met Tommy's immediate family - his brother, sister, mother, and father. I had previously met his uncle (whose house he graciously invited us to stay in) and clicked with him, but was told plenty ahead of time that it would be a big adjustment for his family to meet me; Tommy had never introduced any of his girlfriends to his family until now, so that was the main obstacle, among other things.

Anyway, interacting with and observing Tom's family and watching their dynamic made me begin to understand where he comes from, and see that, through his understanding of his parents, how he has chosen to shape his own personality and approach at life. He tells me he tries the hardest to emulate his uncle, and that was really apparent with the whole bunch all together. It made me think about recently, how badly I need to know my own parents, so I could edit out or refine certain behaviors I have picked up/learned throughout the years.

People can be taught to think or act or behave a certain way, but I think the most astonishing quality about people (and other organisms) is the capacity to evolve and accommodate change. I don't know if the parts about me I want to fix are inherent, so I'll just say they aren't because that just gives me some more power to fuel my goal.

He was afraid that after meeting his slightly off-kilter family I'd find him less appealing (?) but it did the exact opposite. I have even more respect for him now, seeing how he interacts with each one with love and respect and a firm hand when need be, all with poise and maturity. So whenever he's goofy at school or around me, I really oughta cut him some slack. It's hard being grown-up all the time.

that nip in the air...

With L.A. it could be a little too soon to say, but at this moment it's nearing hot chocolate weather!

It's been raining on and off today since noon-ish, yesterday clouds covered up the sky. When I go to bed I'm happy snuggling under warm blankets and stuffed animals, when I wake up I want to stay bundled up in my blankets, but when I'm outside I have too much fun stomping around in my Docs on the dirty asphalt and the occasional crunchy leaf. I want rain but I have no umbrella. Haha, who needs one!

The perfect song for this moment provided by Yo La Tengo - "Daphnia."

spokane, wa

(Just a few preview shots so as not to spoil.)

Docs are perfect shoes for the Pacific Northwest - keeps toes cozy and they're great for trampling leaves, like this sea of horseshoe chestnut, and avoiding slipping on black ice. hehe. Frost is much prettier up here because it's about 35º colder than the coldest I've ever experienced in L.A. The frozen droplets are due to someone's sprinklers unwisely going off and glazing all their plants with ice. These shots were taken on our walk to the Rockwood Bakery yesterday, which is a quaint little pastry/coffee/sandwich(?) shop in the middle of the neighborhood. So cute. We also went rafting on Saturday, but I didn't bring along the camera for that unfortunately. I love new places, and I realized it really isn't so bad being cold, as long as you're prepared!

RANT/RAVE

Oh Mel, you were such a hunk.

Things I like right now:
- The Selby. instant inspiration, for EVERYTHING. up to this point my inspiration radar looked like this: ______________.
- Mel Gibson. I know recently he's been batshit crazy, anti-Semitic, alcoholic (?) and overall is just NUTS! so in actuality I guess I just like him when he was younger, but I've always been a fan, still going strong!

Things I hate:
- facebook. every time I log in I'm bombarded with shit and shit and shit that I don't give one or two shits about. I should de-friend everybody, inactivate my account, and go to sleep! (but I won't, right? argh)
- people who do things and are oblivious that their actions are rude/stupid/inappropriate (I am guilty of this, too!)

good things:
- Studio - finally getting a grip on this project, unnnfh feels good.
- Spokane this weekend! I've never been to Washington, and I'm going with Tommy to see the sights and hang out with his uncle + family noice.

unsolved mysteries

I had trouble falling asleep last night I think because two of my favorite people -- Joe G. and my own dear sistersaur were in my apartment with me for a couple of hours; we chatted and joked and hung out into the wee hours of the morning.

Yuri had on my grey socks that I had been looking for for forever! Glad they're not lost.

Joe told me he has this huuge cork board, like 3' tall and 5' across, and he wants to fill it up with his inspirations. In other words, anything cool I find and want to share, to send his way.

Depending on circumstances, there is a possibility I'll be splitting an apartment with Joe next semester but it's all high up in the stratosphere because (A) we don't know if either of us has enough money (2A) he can probably afford more than I can a month (B) we need jobs and (C) I don't know if I'll be allowed to have my car. And all that.

I was afflicted with (personal) apathy/ennui for the whole last month, I think I'm finally shedding that layer though!